be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
