Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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