the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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