remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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