My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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