The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
