so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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