When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
