I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
