Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
