ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
