im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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