if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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