I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
