So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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