I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
