Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
