now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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