Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
