I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
