I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
