: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
