i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
