I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Terrible idea I love it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
