You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
