This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
