Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
