Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
