sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
