coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
