She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
