omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
BRING THE BAGELS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
