and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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