You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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