I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
