No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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