I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
