And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
