Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
