So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
