this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
