Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
