I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You can't special order awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
