im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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