if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
