$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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