I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
