I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
