He disabled his match.com account in front of me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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