I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish I only lived at night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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