You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
