For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
