What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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