you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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