We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
