Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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