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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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