he shaved USA in his pubs
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
