1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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