Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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