Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
