Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
