Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
