There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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