Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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