my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize