I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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