I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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