If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
