you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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